Give Yourself Permission for a Fresh Start with Patience instead of Perfection
I’ve made SO many new Year’s Resolutions. So many ‘on this birthday everything changes!’ proclamations. There have been a million ‘I’ll start on the first of the month’, or ‘I’ll start Monday’… so many ‘fresh starts’ in my 47 years that I would be embarrassed to try to estimate them for you.
These fresh starts or resolutions to change my behavior covered lots of topics:
I’m going to workout every day. I’m going to cut out all sugar. I’m going to stop having that 2nd (or 3rd) glass of wine. I will always walk Wrigley two times a day, rain or shine. I will stay on top of all school emails! I will keep the kitchen clean and uncluttered! I will be Wonder Woman!
Starting Monday.
Each time, I convince myself that this fresh start is for sure going to change everything and this change will be instantaneous.
When I plan for this fresh start, I always imagine my life will be so much better. This one change was the thing I’ve been missing. Once I keep the kitchen clean, I will no longer be tired or puffy. I will wake up with perfect hair! Everyone will notice the shiny change in me and say, ‘What have you done? Why are you sparkling?’
‘Oh, so glad you noticed, I’ve been cleaning the entire kitchen every night before bed, we’re talking empty sink, cleaned off counters, everything is perfect. And that’s made my life perfect.’
Spoiler: Cleaning the kitchen didn’t change my life. I only kept that resolution for about a four days before the kitchen was back to its natural state of school papers, dog treats, craft projects, iPad cords, and discarded sweatshirts covering every available surface.
Double spoiler: nearly every single one of my huge life changing promises …they all went down in flames in a matter of days.
Why?
Because my fresh start was always laced with two ticking time bombs: One, that I would institute this change flawlessly and never miss a beat. Two, that the results from this change would be instant.
These over-the-top expectations mean that as soon as I slipped up, like swearing off sugar and then having a bowl of ice cream on day two… well, there goes the whole plan. And as long as I already messed up, I might as well polish off that Halloween candy! My perfectionism made each resolution doomed to fail because I was setting up this ‘all or nothing’ behavior.
We need to have some flexibility in life, and the more we give ourselves grace to fall down and get back up…the better chance we’ve got to keep moving in the right direction.
But even if did get past throwing out my goal with the first misstep, my impatience would nearly always sabotage what I was trying to accomplish.
My impatience for change looks something like: I lifted weights twice this month and I don’t look like the 23-year-old Pilates instructor, so obviously this whole workout thing just doesn’t work for me. I quit.
Sound familiar? I see you, my friend.
Okay now, stay with me. What if… this time the fresh start came with come kindness, flexibility, and time?
What if I said, I am going to try to move 30 min everyday. I might not make it each day, but I am going to celebrate my wins when I do move and I will give myself a gold star so I can see the progress. And if I miss a day, tomorrow I will try again. There is no ‘throw the whole goal in the trash,’ because I slept in today. Just get up and try again tomorrow. What if I watched those little stars start to stack up? What if I just did my best without fear of failing, without the pressure of perfection?
And what if I gave this fresh start time to take hold. What if I didn’t expect overnight transformation, but a slow burn that could make a life-long change.
What if I were kind and patient with myself? What if I gave myself the same time and grace that I gave my twins when they were conquering new things? We didn’t have one accident during potty training and just decided to let them wear diapers forever. (oohhh, I shudder recalling the days of potting training twins. But we somehow made it! Oh my god, how? Anyway. Focus!).
If you are giving yourself a fresh start and want to begin to move for your mental and physical health, perhaps start with kindness. Encourage yourself and celebrate wins. Give yourself room to gain without being perfect. Moving generally in the right direction is still moving. Celebrate that.
Then give yourself the time it takes for habits to form and for change to occur.
Be as patient as you would with your child, pet, or best friend as they were learning something new. And maybe this fresh start will turn into a life-long habit.
Let’s start Monday. A fresh start full of kindness, patience, and grace.
I’ll meet you on the mat.
Xo, Viv